smile.

My trainer is in Chicago waiting to get dispatched for a load.  If he has to wait too long they'll reassign me to another trainer.  I hope not.  I got a recommendation for this guy and had to scuttle butt to make it happen. If all goes well he'll pick me up Monday. Until then, can someone say, "Paid vacation."?  

Catch 22

Orientation was fast. A ridiculous amount of information was compacted into one hour or two hour segments with 10 minute breaks in between each segment, twelve hours a day.  My feeling at every blearing of the eyes and nodding of my head was that if they'd just given the material to us and said, "Read this, sign-off on it", then the creeping death of minutes could have been reduced and orientation taken only one day instead of two.  And, they could cut their budget.  But, from the company's perspective it is probably a matter of CYA Policy.  

The DOT physical was a conveyor of men peeing in cups, bending over and reaching to somehow touch their toes, turning and coughing this way and turning and coughing the other way.  All the while each was hoping they were not too anxious as to raise their blood pressure and fail the physical.  The nurses and Dr. were a bland but irritable sort.  I suppose passing cups of pee between men and women can be more than a little coy and uninteresting.

At the hotel men, and a few women, wait and wonder about smoking and hold conversations at liars tables.  Those who are between trainers describe experiences and trainers and everything said is always entirely true and spoken with blood earnest.  Only about half is ever believed and the other half is re-embellished by the hearers, but no one ever says so.  

Those of us who have no idea or category whereby to compare interpret all that is said with minds already adept at reading tea leaves.  We have no idea what to expect on the road.  But, what would you expect? 

I'm reading "Catch 22" and it is ironic and funny.  I am listening to music on iTunes.  I am trying to eat healthy and drink water instead of yellow chemical that tastes sweet and is amazingly addictive.

I have been here three days and already have a new roomate.  The other roomate had to leave unexpectedly but will hopefully be back soon.

In a day or two I expect to receive a call from a Driver/Trainer who will say, "Have your bags packed I'll be there in . . ."  Then, I'll drive and ride.  I hope to do well.  I hope to not grind gears. 

Still, I'm excited.  I have no regrets in choosing this path.  I'm ready for the road.  Is the road ready for me? 

We're on our way

This morning was a tearful goodbye to Heather and the boys. Later, my folks will take me to the Greyhound station where I will go to Atlanta, GA for orientation at Werner Enterprises. After two days I will connect with a Trainer and ride with them anywhere and everywhere in the US of A. I have a mixture of nervousness and excitement. And, I have sadness because I'll really miss Heather and the boys.

As much as possible, this blog will be an over-the-road blog which is particularly for my family to keep up with me and secondly for anyone else who happens to be interested in the life of a newbie OTR Truck Driver.

drop and hook

There Will Be A Day

There Will Be A Day--Jeremy Camp

I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that trys to grab
The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth,
that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew

But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we’ll hold on to you always

I know the journey seems so long
You feel your walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you’ve walked out all alone

Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace he brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting

I can’t wait until that day where the very one I’ve lived for always will wipe away the sorrow that I’ve faced
To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery this is why this is why I sing….

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face

There will be a day, He’ll wipe away the stains, He’ll wipe away the tears, He’ll wipe away the tears…..there will be a day.

Jaco Pastorius and John Scofield - The Chicken

Will Work For Food. Really. No, really, I will work for food.

Ironic, I know.  

Jesus Is Praying for Me

It was snowing when I left the Hardees restaurant. The wind had kicked up and was blowing into my face. The people walking past me into the restaurant might have been wondering if my eyes were watering from the cold or because I was crying. If they had heard the General Manager telling me that they could not hire me and heard how desperate for a job I was they might have concluded that I was crying for this reason. But, they would have been wrong. But, neither was it the wind and snow.

It has not been an easy couple of months for us. If you know my story, then you know the story. If you don't, I'm sure you have your own story one way or another.

These days I am unemployed. I've never been unemployed in my entire working life. In 1988 I began working for Chick-Fil-A and since then I have always had a job earning money. I've never had a difficult time getting a job. I have quit jobs one day and been hired the very next day. It is a confidence I've never lacked.

Over the last few months I have sent out perhaps 200 copies of my resume and contacted dozens of people I know and others on my behalf have contacted dozens of others they know. I have been offered one job which paid too little to support my family. Otherwise, I have been insulted during interviews, laughed at regarding my qualifications and ignored by many others who have simply not bothered to return my attempts. I've had some criticize and say that perhaps I am not trying hard enough. But, I've had many, many who have assured me that I will certainly get a job and not to worry about it.

I've had many dark thoughts and hopeless feelings. Questions without answers. Prayers full of angst. I've wondered about God's purpose and plan. I've repented many times of a bitter heart. And, I've reminded myself many times that my problems are not as big as other peoples problems.

Heather quoted something from James MacDonald today that stayed in my mind all day

"I remember this quote from my college years: "If you could hear the Lord praying for you in the next room, you would not fear a thousand enemies."

It's a great quote. I knew it was when I heard it. It stuck in my brain. But, not my heart. That's been the most difficult thing lately. I had a dream a week ago and in it my older brother had just helped me pack my belongings into moving trucks, again! That is a bad dream in and of itself. But, in my dream my brother was holding my hand and saying to me, "God must have a really good reason for letting you go through this hard time." In my head I knew he was right. In my heart I was resisting. He wouldn't let go of my hand until he saw in my eye that I got it in my heart. So, in my dream I turned away from him and pulled my hand away and walked to the truck which I was driving with all my belongings. I knew I needed this to be true in my heart but I just couldn't muster it up on my own. Ironically, I woke from that dream really encouraged. I really appreciated God letting me have a dream like that. Then, the next day during an interview "the Employer" laughed at my qualifications and thought I was crazy to expect more pay than they were willing to offer. I felt like Charlie Brown. I got a rock.

>

Anyway, this quote Heather gave me today was still with me. On my way home from Chattanooga today I stopped at McDonald's. Not hiring. I stopped at Krystal's. Not hiring. I stopped at Long John Silver's. Not hiring.

I stopped at Hardees. Which is a very interesting place in the South because it is mainly a Southern experience. If you are from the South you understand Hardees. Tonight, there was a Gospel Quartet with mandolin, harmonica, guitar and stand-up bass. It was very old school.

After I finished speaking with the General Manager a woman came up to me and said, "Kelly? Aren't you Kelly Bridenstine?" She looked really familiar. She was smiling and so happy to see me and of course had gotten my name right, so I gave her a hug and said, "Yes, I'm Kelly but you'll have to help me with your name." She laughed and said, "I thought it was you. I remembered your eyes." I laughed at that. Her name was Joy. About 15 years ago I worked with her at the Dayton Wal-Mart when I was working 3rd shift putting together equipment for the Garden Center outside during the winter. One other winter I'll never forget.

She asked what I was up to. I held out the Hardees application. She said. "You still haven't found a job?" I shook my head. I felt the heat in my face. I could tell she felt sorry.

The next thing she said floored me, "Well, we've been praying for y'all. My church has been praying for you and your family." I couldn't believe it. How did she know? She mentioned how she'd found out and then the next thing she said stunned me again, "Kelly, there are several churches around here praying for you. A lot of us been gettin' folks to pray." I told her I didn't know so many people were aware. I was a little embarrassed and deeply touched. My eyes were beginning to moisten.

And then she said, "We all love you. But, most importantly Jesus loves y'all too. Don't you forget that. He loves you most of all." And then like a giant billboard my mind remembered the quote I'd struggled to work into my heart,

If you could hear the Lord praying for you in the next room, you would not fear a thousand enemies."

I was definitely getting teary at this point. Sad, happy and in a state of wonderment all at the same time. She tried to make small talk and hugged me when we both realized I just couldn't open my mouth without getting slobbery. She said they'd keep praying for us and to hang in there.

It was snowing when I left the Hardees restaurant. The wind had kicked up and was blowing into my face. The people walking past me into the restaurant might have been wondering if my eyes were watering from the cold or because I was crying. If they had heard the General Manager telling me that they could not hire me and heard how desperate for a job I was they might have concluded that I was crying for this reason. But, they would have been wrong. But, neither was it the wind and snow.

It was because Jesus loves me and is praying for me.

"25 Consequently, he is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through him, since he always lives to make intercession for them.
26 For it was indeed fitting that we should have such a high priest, holy, innocent, unstained, separated from sinners, and exalted above the heavens. 27 He has no need, like those high priests, to offer sacrifices daily, first for his own sins and then for those of the people, since he did this once for all when he offered up himself." Hebrews 7:25-27

Before the throne of God aboveI have a strong, a perfect plea:

A great High Priest, whose name is Love,

Who ever lives and pleads for me.

My name is graven on his hands,My name is written on his heart;

I know that while in heaven he stands

No tongue can bid me thence depart

No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair,

And tells me of the guilt within,

Upward I look, and see him there

Who made an end of all my sin.

Because a sinless Savior died,

My sinful soul is counted free;

For God, the Just, is satisfied

To look on Him and pardon me

To look on Him and pardon me

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

Praise the One,Risen Son of God!

Behold him there, the risen Lamb

My perfect, spotless righteousness,

The great unchangeable I am,

The King of glory and of grace!

One in himself, I cannot die

My soul is purchased by his blood

My life is hid with Christ on high,

With Christ, my Savior and my God

With Christ, my Savior and my God

Prayer Guide – Where is My Fear?

Prayer Guide – Where is My Fear? –

January 21, 2009”If I be a master, where is My fear? Saith the Lord” (Mal. 1:6, KJ).

Thursday, January 22 – Seek the Lord’s mercy and forgiveness for the irreverence and disrespect of God found in the North American church. Ask God to restore us to a holy fear of Him.
“. . . If then I am a Father, where is My honor? And if I am a Master, where is the [reverent] fear due Me? Says the Lord of hosts . . .” (Mal. 1:6, AMP)

Friday, January 23 – Plead for God’s mercy and pardon for our sins of hating knowledge and not choosing the fear of the Lord. Ask God to grant us a fresh vision of Him in His holiness that would help us under all circumstances and at all times to be deeply conscious that He is present. Ask God to implant in us a wholesome dread of displeasing, disobeying, or dishonoring Him.
“Because I called and you refused . . . and no one paid attention . . . and did not want my reproof, I will also laugh at your calamity . . . Then they will call on me, but I will not answer; They will seek me diligently, but they will not find me. Because they hated knowledge and did not choose the fear of the LORD” (Prov. 1:24-29, NASB).

Saturday, January 24 – Entreat God’s mercy and forgiveness for the way we have forsaken our duty to esteem and dread Him by explaining the fear of the Lord as being reverence and respect alone. Seek the Lord’s grace to help us understand what biblically it means to fear the Lord.
“Know therefore and recognize that this is an evil and bitter thing: [first,] you have forsaken the Lord your God; [second,] you are indifferent to Me and the fear of Me is not in you, says the Lord of hosts” (Jer. 2:19, AMP).

Sunday, January 25 – Ask the Lord to help us to understand that in all we do and say that we live under His scrutiny and to grant us a deep and reverential sense of our accountability before Him.
“For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may be recompensed for his deeds in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad. Therefore knowing the fear of the Lord, we persuade men . . .” (2 Cor. 5:10-11, NASB).

Monday, January 26 – Implore the Lord to inspire us to fear Him that we would have hearts that shun evil, fear sinning, and keep His commands.
“O that there were such an heart in them, that they would fear me, and keep all my commandments always, that it might be well with them, and with their children for ever” (Deut. 5:29, KJ).

Tuesday, January 27 – Seek the Lord’s grace to cause us to be willing to work out our salvation with fear and trembling and to enable us to bring ourselves under His rule by obedience to His word.
“The conclusion, when all has been heard, is: fear God and keep His commandments, because this applies to every person” (Eccl. 12:13, NASB).

Wednesday, January 28 – Beseech the Lord to grant His Spirit to rest upon us and to make the fear of the Lord our delight that we would make all our judgments with the awareness that we are standing in His holy presence.
“And the Spirit of the Lord shall rest upon Him–the Spirit of . . . the reverential and obedient fear of the Lord–and shall make Him of quick understanding, and His delight shall be in the . . . fear of the Lord” (Isa. 11:2-3, AMP).

A not so scholarly post

My friend Jamie called me today. He's like, "Dude, why haven't you called me?" I'm like, "What? What's the problem." He's like, "I called and left you a message 4 days ago. What's the deal?" I'm like, "Dude, I don't get reception on my cell out here in Spring City. You'll have to use the land line."

He says, "Anyway, the reason I called is . . . Did you know that Phish is getting back together?" I says, "No, really? That's cool." He says, "Yeah, the closest show they have booked so far is in Asheville, N.C. We could drive down and see the show. They'll probably never play together again." Meanwhile I'm looking up ticket prices online as he is speaking to me. It's in June. Tickets are $50.

My wife is like, "Ummm, you know we don't have any money right now." I say, "Really, you're kidding? Hmmmm, I'll get Jamie to buy the tickets and I'll tell him I'll pay him back."

I'll post a picture with some inane comments if we end up going. I hope we go.

3 Brothers

My wife informs me that I should write something with this picture. I don't know what to say, really. She said, "People like to read something written with a picture." This picture was taken amidst great laughter and enjoyment at my mom and dad's house on Christmas Day (I snagged it from my brother Steven and his wife's website). This was definitely one of the highlights of my time during the holiday season. Being back "home" with family and friends is a huge blessing and encouragement these days.

...Christ did not appoint professors, but followers. If Christianity ... is not reduplicated in the life of the person expounding it, then he does not expound Christianity, for Christianity is a message about living and can only be expounded by being realized in men's lives.
From Kierkegaard's Diary, ed. Peter P. Rohde, trans. Gerda M. Anderson (New York: Philosophical Library, 1960), 141 (1848)

THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here is a picture of Pastor Derik Durham of Mount Salem (on right) and his Deacon Kyle (on left) who spent all of their Saturday helping us get loaded. Thanks guys!



And, of course, thanks to both our families for all of the amazing support and encouragement; my dad and brother Lee helping unload. Mike and Wendell meeting me at 2 o'clock Saturday morning to unload the first load. Breakfast at Cracker Barrel was a blast!

I especially want to thank all the other brothers and sisters in the Lord who have prayed and reached out in very practical and substantial ways during this difficult time. Your outpouring of love and material support has been a reminder of God's love and concern. God places His Church, His People to be a visible and physical witness to the reality of God's grace in Christ Jesus --- All of you have been just that! May the Lord repay you for all of your kindness.

The Crowded Path To Leadership

"There will always be more people willing to do ‘great’ things for God than there are people willing to do the little things. The race to be a leader is crowded, but the field is wide open for those willing to be servants." - Rick Warren 

Traveling Mercies

Please be praying for us and our families.  They will be driving up from Tennessee to help us move back down.

A Right View of God --- Prayer Guide

Prayer Guide – A Right View Of God – December 10, 2008 “God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth” (John 4:24, NIV). Thursday, December 11 – Implore the Lord to grant a reviving encounter with Him that would change the way we think about Him and bring back a fear, awe, and reverence for who He is. “Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our ‘God is a consuming fire’" (Heb. 12:28-29, NIV). Friday, December 12 – Seek grace to repent of re-imaging God, making Him look less severe and distorting what He is like to make us more comfortable in our sin.Ask God to restore biblical worship in our lives. Beg Him to revive us to form and project a correct image of God to one another and to the world. "You worship what you do not know; we worship what we know . . . The true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for such people the Father seeks to be His worshipers” (John 4:22-23, NASB). Saturday, December 13 – Implore God to grant us a willingness to repent of offering Him worship while we overlook questionable things taking place in our midst that do not follow the scriptures. Beg God to enable us through His Spirit’s guidance to make the changes needed to spend more time getting to know Him through His word. Ask Him to bring us through a repentance that captivates us with His glory. “To what purpose is the multitude of your sacrifices to Me [unless they are the offering of the heart]? says the Lord. I have had enough of the burnt offerings . . . [without obedience] . . . Bring no more offerings of vanity (emptiness, falsity, vain glory, and futility) . . . I cannot endure--[it is] iniquity and profanation, even the solemn meeting . . . I am weary of bearing them” (Isa. 1:11-14, AMP). Sunday, December 14 – Plead with the Lord to help us return to the scriptural definition and practice of worship. Ask Him to restore worship that causes us to compare what we do with the scriptures and cleanses us of comparing ourselves with one another. Beg the Lord to empower prophets who will declare to us what God is like from the scriptures. “. . . Present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God” (Rom. 12:1-2, KJV). Monday, December 15 – Beg God to help us understand that when Israel profaned His name and gave the world an unbiblical view of Him that He brought severe discipline upon them in front of the nations.   “I will vindicate the holiness of My great name which has been profaned among the nations, which you have profaned . . . ‘when I prove Myself holy among you in their sight’” (Ezek. 36:22-23, NASB). Tuesday, December 16 – Make haste to beseech the Lord to forgive us for profaning His name by prayer, preaching, and singing that re-images Him. “Moses made haste to bow low toward the earth and worship” (Ex. 34:8, NASB). Wednesday, December 17 – Ask God to bring us back to God-centered, God glorifying worship based on truth, not trends, which produce reverence and awe in us. “God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth” (John 4:24, NIV).

“I have been so blessed to be here that at times I think I will burst!”

Kissing Retirement Goodbye

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By John EnsorDecember 3, 2008

 

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John Ensor is the Executive Director of Urban Initiatives forHeartbeat International and author of The Great Work of the Gospel.

*               *               *

I kissed retirement goodbye—at least the kind traditionally planned for in America. My mother has finally persuaded me that there are better things to do when I reach her age.

In August, I wrote about caring for family with end-of-life challenges. My mother, at 78, started to go blind while on a mission trip to Mongolia. Her sight was saved through high-dose steroids, which tripped other health concerns which were compounded by the discovery of breast cancer.

The subsequent surgery left her fragile. She fell and added injury to sickness and disease. We gathered with her in August to discuss how to care for her as she enters what I call “the frowning years.”

Ecclesiastes calls them plainly “the evil days” when

the years draw near of which you will say, “I have no pleasure in them”; before the sun and the light and the moon and the stars are darkened and the clouds return after the rain in the day when the keepers of the house tremble, and the strong men are bent, and the grinders cease because they are few, and those who look through the windows are dimmed, and the doors on the street are shut—when the sound of the grinding is low, and one rises up at the sound of a bird, and all the daughters of song are brought low—they are afraid also of what is high, and terrors are in the way; the almond tree blossoms, the grasshopper drags itself along, and desire fails, because man is going to his eternal home, and the mourners go about the streets. (12:1-5)

The point of this description is to “remember your creator in the days of your youth” (12:1). I take this to mean:

Taste and see the goodness of God while all your senses are in full function, and your strength is still intact.

Savor him while you can—before your teeth fall out (the grinders cease) and your eyes fail (the windows are dimmed) and your bones ache with every move (the grasshopper drags itself along); before the fears of dying assail you and sap your strength and try your faith one last time before they are swallowed up in victory.

Evidently, at 78, my mother is still in the days of her youth. Since August, she has prayed and fought for her health.

Last week she left for Quetzaltenango, Guatemala. She joined a team of trainers for a Leadership Development Conference in which 90 teachers from around the country took their school vacation week to learn to study and teach the Bible through an inductive-study method. Seven more teachers planned on being there.

But my mother writes, “They did not get here because their charter bus was ambushed by robbers and the driver was killed.”

In spite of such things, she writes of the thrill of watching teachers learn to read out of the Bible its unsearchable riches rather than read into it preconceived notions.

She concludes, “I have been so blessed to be here that at times I think I will burst!” Evidently, she intends to die with her mission boots on as she faces down those “frowning years.”

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Satan's Stomping Ground

Hard hearts give Satan sure footing.  They are his stomping ground.  Soft, tender and maleable hearts which are given to the Lord become like quicksand to Satan.  And, without sure footing the Devil will seek another hard place on which to make his stand.

Oxford Professor Faces "New Atheism"

See here

HT: Justin Taylor

In the Leaves