It was snowing when I left the Hardees restaurant. The wind had kicked up and was blowing into my face. The people walking past me into the restaurant might have been wondering if my eyes were watering from the cold or because I was crying. If they had heard the General Manager telling me that they could not hire me and heard how desperate for a job I was they might have concluded that I was crying for this reason. But, they would have been wrong. But, neither was it the wind and snow.
It has not been an easy couple of months for us. If you know my story, then you know the story. If you don't, I'm sure you have your own story one way or another.
These days I am unemployed. I've never been unemployed in my entire working life. In 1988 I began working for Chick-Fil-A and since then I have always had a job earning money. I've never had a difficult time getting a job. I have quit jobs one day and been hired the very next day. It is a confidence I've never lacked.
Over the last few months I have sent out perhaps 200 copies of my resume and contacted dozens of people I know and others on my behalf have contacted dozens of others they know. I have been offered one job which paid too little to support my family. Otherwise, I have been insulted during interviews, laughed at regarding my qualifications and ignored by many others who have simply not bothered to return my attempts. I've had some criticize and say that perhaps I am not trying hard enough. But, I've had many, many who have assured me that I will certainly get a job and not to worry about it.
I've had many dark thoughts and hopeless feelings. Questions without answers. Prayers full of angst. I've wondered about God's purpose and plan. I've repented many times of a bitter heart. And, I've reminded myself many times that my problems are not as big as other peoples problems.
Heather quoted something from James MacDonald today that stayed in my mind all day
"I remember this quote from my college years: "If you could hear the Lord praying for you in the next room, you would not fear a thousand enemies."
It's a great quote. I knew it was when I heard it. It stuck in my brain. But, not my heart. That's been the most difficult thing lately. I had a dream a week ago and in it my older brother had just helped me pack my belongings into moving trucks, again! That is a bad dream in and of itself. But, in my dream my brother was holding my hand and saying to me, "God must have a really good reason for letting you go through this hard time." In my head I knew he was right. In my heart I was resisting. He wouldn't let go of my hand until he saw in my eye that I got it in my heart. So, in my dream I turned away from him and pulled my hand away and walked to the truck which I was driving with all my belongings. I knew I needed this to be true in my heart but I just couldn't muster it up on my own. Ironically, I woke from that dream really encouraged. I really appreciated God letting me have a dream like that. Then, the next day during an interview "the Employer" laughed at my qualifications and thought I was crazy to expect more pay than they were willing to offer. I felt like Charlie Brown. I got a rock.
> Anyway, this quote Heather gave me today was still with me. On my way home from Chattanooga today I stopped at McDonald's. Not hiring. I stopped at Krystal's. Not hiring. I stopped at Long John Silver's. Not hiring.
I stopped at Hardees. Which is a very interesting place in the South because it is mainly a Southern experience. If you are from the South you understand Hardees. Tonight, there was a Gospel Quartet with mandolin, harmonica, guitar and stand-up bass. It was very old school.
After I finished speaking with the General Manager a woman came up to me and said, "Kelly? Aren't you Kelly Bridenstine?" She looked really familiar. She was smiling and so happy to see me and of course had gotten my name right, so I gave her a hug and said, "Yes, I'm Kelly but you'll have to help me with your name." She laughed and said, "I thought it was you. I remembered your eyes." I laughed at that. Her name was Joy. About 15 years ago I worked with her at the Dayton Wal-Mart when I was working 3rd shift putting together equipment for the Garden Center outside during the winter. One other winter I'll never forget.
She asked what I was up to. I held out the Hardees application. She said. "You still haven't found a job?" I shook my head. I felt the heat in my face. I could tell she felt sorry.
The next thing she said floored me, "Well, we've been praying for y'all. My church has been praying for you and your family." I couldn't believe it. How did she know? She mentioned how she'd found out and then the next thing she said stunned me again, "Kelly, there are several churches around here praying for you. A lot of us been gettin' folks to pray." I told her I didn't know so many people were aware. I was a little embarrassed and deeply touched. My eyes were beginning to moisten.
And then she said, "We all love you. But, most importantly Jesus loves y'all too. Don't you forget that. He loves you most of all." And then like a giant billboard my mind remembered the quote I'd struggled to work into my heart,
If you could hear the Lord praying for you in the next room, you would not fear a thousand enemies."
I was definitely getting teary at this point. Sad, happy and in a state of wonderment all at the same time. She tried to make small talk and hugged me when we both realized I just couldn't open my mouth without getting slobbery. She said they'd keep praying for us and to hang in there.
It was snowing when I left the Hardees restaurant. The wind had kicked up and was blowing into my face. The people walking past me into the restaurant might have been wondering if my eyes were watering from the cold or because I was crying. If they had heard the General Manager telling me that they could not hire me and heard how desperate for a job I was they might have concluded that I was crying for this reason. But, they would have been wrong. But, neither was it the wind and snow.
It was because Jesus loves me and is praying for me.
"25 Consequently, he is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through him, since he always lives to make intercession for them.
26 For it was indeed fitting that we should have such a high priest, holy, innocent, unstained, separated from sinners, and exalted above the heavens. 27 He has no need, like those high priests, to offer sacrifices daily, first for his own sins and then for those of the people, since he did this once for all when he offered up himself." Hebrews 7:25-27
Before the throne of God aboveI have a strong, a perfect plea:
A great High Priest, whose name is Love,
Who ever lives and pleads for me.
My name is graven on his hands,My name is written on his heart;
I know that while in heaven he stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart
No tongue can bid me thence depart.
When Satan tempts me to despair,
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look, and see him there
Who made an end of all my sin.
Because a sinless Savior died,
My sinful soul is counted free;
For God, the Just, is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me
To look on Him and pardon me
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Praise the One,Risen Son of God!
Behold him there, the risen Lamb
My perfect, spotless righteousness,
The great unchangeable I am,
The King of glory and of grace!
One in himself, I cannot die
My soul is purchased by his blood
My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Christ, my Savior and my God
With Christ, my Savior and my God
