So little to say, so much to say . . .

I have about 30+ hours until the end of my training. That is about 3 days driving. I have decided to team drive with a buddy of mine who went through CDL training and is also out on the road getting his 300+ hours.

By the end of next week I expect that we'll be testing out, getting assigned a truck (I hope it's a new Pete!) and getting dispatched for our first official run. I am pretty stoked about it.

Training has been fun, interesting, frustrating, fulfilling and exhausting. I'm glad it's coming to an end. The main reason is that I am ready to start making real pay instead of training pay . . . which is seriously next to nothing.

Anyway, that's the news.

Life On The Road

I was out on the road for seven days with my trainer, Needham Babb.  He  is 30 years old and has been with Werner for 2 years.  He is the son of a son of a trucker.  He's been driving big trucks since he was a little boy.  Really.  Some of his earliest memories are those of riding in the truck with his dad.  Though he never really thought he'd be trucking for a living, having a family and being good at the job convinced him it was the right move to make.  

In our journey across America I've learned the gentle art of "floating" gears which means not using the clutch pedal and getting the rpm's at the right place to nudge or pull the gear shifter into the right gear. There is a lot of finesse to this.  Finesse in a big rig is not exactly what you might expect but it takes just the right amount of momentum and torque to get a tractor and trailor moving while putting a gear in it's groove without putting too much or too little engine speed.

We left Atlanta and drove through Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, Texas and ended up in Los Lunas, New Mexico.  I was driving about 10 or 11 hours each day.  My weakest area is backing.  That will come with time and experience.  Hopefully none of that experience will include running into anything and damaging equipment.  That would be really really bad.

Tuesday we set out for Orlando, Florida.  I have some friends in that area.  Who knows?  Maybe I'll get to see them.

That's all for now.

Patience

I just talked with my trainer.  The plant he's loading from is now operating again but will not have him ready until tomorrow at 10 a.m.  Now, I could speak with my manager and request the most available trainer but I don't want to do that just yet.  This trainer is from Chattanooga which means I'll be able to be "home" when he goes home for break.  So, given the payoff, I'll wait it out until tomorrow.  So, once again, paid vacation but it sure is boring.

On being nice . . .

Some things I've learned very recently (like 15 minutes ago):

It's always better to be nice.

Assume the best about others.  I probably wouldn't want others assuming the worst about me and would very much like having others assume the best about me.

I need to hold my tongue more often than not.

I need to listen with my heart as well as my ears.

There is usually a safe exit to walk away from trouble.

God does the judging, not me.

Reassigned

I've been reassigned a new trainer.  This will be #3 in one week and hopefully I will actually train with this guy. Al (the trainer I tried hard to get) had to sit in Chicago for 27hrs and so they gave a new guy who is sitting 60 miles out waiting to get loaded since yesterday.  He's actually at his load but something is screwy at the place.  Yesterday at 11 a.m. he called and said it would be 5 to 6 hours.  5 to 6 hours later he called back and said it might be another 5 to 6 hours.  I laid down in my incredibly comfortable bed (not) and decided to get a little shut-eye.  8 hours later I awake to the beautiful sunlight and am freaking out a little bit thinking maybe he'd called and I'd missed his call.  So, I call and can tell I've just woke him up.  Poor guy.  I'm getting paid to wait at the hotel.  He's not getting paid to sit for a day and a half.  He said he'd definitely see me later today.  We'll see.  If so, we'll be taking his load to Texas and then pick up for another load to New Mexico.  And, I'll get a lot of driving time going west.

I guess some dudes might be really ticked off and feel yanked around.  Me?  I suppose if I were to get upset it wouldn't change anything except my ability to enjoy the moment.  I can't change much in my circumstance right now except my attitude towards it.  And again, there are some positives.  First and most obvious, I've already stated:  I'm getting paid.  Second, I'm in an air conditioned hotel, have a semi-soft bed, I don't have to worry about anyone elses safety and I am enjoying getting some quiet to read.  Third, I've had the chance of meeting other truckers while at the hotel and terminal.  There is definitely a certain "brotherhood" (and sisterhood) among the guys here since we are all in the same industry and have accepted the trucker lifestyle.  There are plenty of truckers with stories to tell.  Sometimes the BS-oh-meter goes off, but there is still a lot to gain from the stories and friendships.  These are the same dudes and dudettes I'll be driving beside on the road.  Better to make friends now and have some lifelines out there if I need help somewhere down the road.

I hope to be writing from Dallas, TX next time I write.  Cheers!

"IF YOU PERSUADE YOURSELF . . .

"If you persuade yourself that you can do a certain thing, provided this thing be possible, you will do it, however difficult it may be.  If, on the contrary, you imagine that you cannot do the simplest thing in the world, it is impossible for you to do it, and molehills become for you unscalable mountains."  Emile Coue

smile.

My trainer is in Chicago waiting to get dispatched for a load.  If he has to wait too long they'll reassign me to another trainer.  I hope not.  I got a recommendation for this guy and had to scuttle butt to make it happen. If all goes well he'll pick me up Monday. Until then, can someone say, "Paid vacation."?  

Catch 22

Orientation was fast. A ridiculous amount of information was compacted into one hour or two hour segments with 10 minute breaks in between each segment, twelve hours a day.  My feeling at every blearing of the eyes and nodding of my head was that if they'd just given the material to us and said, "Read this, sign-off on it", then the creeping death of minutes could have been reduced and orientation taken only one day instead of two.  And, they could cut their budget.  But, from the company's perspective it is probably a matter of CYA Policy.  

The DOT physical was a conveyor of men peeing in cups, bending over and reaching to somehow touch their toes, turning and coughing this way and turning and coughing the other way.  All the while each was hoping they were not too anxious as to raise their blood pressure and fail the physical.  The nurses and Dr. were a bland but irritable sort.  I suppose passing cups of pee between men and women can be more than a little coy and uninteresting.

At the hotel men, and a few women, wait and wonder about smoking and hold conversations at liars tables.  Those who are between trainers describe experiences and trainers and everything said is always entirely true and spoken with blood earnest.  Only about half is ever believed and the other half is re-embellished by the hearers, but no one ever says so.  

Those of us who have no idea or category whereby to compare interpret all that is said with minds already adept at reading tea leaves.  We have no idea what to expect on the road.  But, what would you expect? 

I'm reading "Catch 22" and it is ironic and funny.  I am listening to music on iTunes.  I am trying to eat healthy and drink water instead of yellow chemical that tastes sweet and is amazingly addictive.

I have been here three days and already have a new roomate.  The other roomate had to leave unexpectedly but will hopefully be back soon.

In a day or two I expect to receive a call from a Driver/Trainer who will say, "Have your bags packed I'll be there in . . ."  Then, I'll drive and ride.  I hope to do well.  I hope to not grind gears. 

Still, I'm excited.  I have no regrets in choosing this path.  I'm ready for the road.  Is the road ready for me? 

We're on our way

This morning was a tearful goodbye to Heather and the boys. Later, my folks will take me to the Greyhound station where I will go to Atlanta, GA for orientation at Werner Enterprises. After two days I will connect with a Trainer and ride with them anywhere and everywhere in the US of A. I have a mixture of nervousness and excitement. And, I have sadness because I'll really miss Heather and the boys.

As much as possible, this blog will be an over-the-road blog which is particularly for my family to keep up with me and secondly for anyone else who happens to be interested in the life of a newbie OTR Truck Driver.

drop and hook

There Will Be A Day

There Will Be A Day--Jeremy Camp

I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that trys to grab
The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth,
that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew

But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we’ll hold on to you always

I know the journey seems so long
You feel your walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you’ve walked out all alone

Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace he brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting

I can’t wait until that day where the very one I’ve lived for always will wipe away the sorrow that I’ve faced
To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery this is why this is why I sing….

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face

There will be a day, He’ll wipe away the stains, He’ll wipe away the tears, He’ll wipe away the tears…..there will be a day.

Jaco Pastorius and John Scofield - The Chicken

Will Work For Food. Really. No, really, I will work for food.

Ironic, I know.  

Jesus Is Praying for Me

It was snowing when I left the Hardees restaurant. The wind had kicked up and was blowing into my face. The people walking past me into the restaurant might have been wondering if my eyes were watering from the cold or because I was crying. If they had heard the General Manager telling me that they could not hire me and heard how desperate for a job I was they might have concluded that I was crying for this reason. But, they would have been wrong. But, neither was it the wind and snow.

It has not been an easy couple of months for us. If you know my story, then you know the story. If you don't, I'm sure you have your own story one way or another.

These days I am unemployed. I've never been unemployed in my entire working life. In 1988 I began working for Chick-Fil-A and since then I have always had a job earning money. I've never had a difficult time getting a job. I have quit jobs one day and been hired the very next day. It is a confidence I've never lacked.

Over the last few months I have sent out perhaps 200 copies of my resume and contacted dozens of people I know and others on my behalf have contacted dozens of others they know. I have been offered one job which paid too little to support my family. Otherwise, I have been insulted during interviews, laughed at regarding my qualifications and ignored by many others who have simply not bothered to return my attempts. I've had some criticize and say that perhaps I am not trying hard enough. But, I've had many, many who have assured me that I will certainly get a job and not to worry about it.

I've had many dark thoughts and hopeless feelings. Questions without answers. Prayers full of angst. I've wondered about God's purpose and plan. I've repented many times of a bitter heart. And, I've reminded myself many times that my problems are not as big as other peoples problems.

Heather quoted something from James MacDonald today that stayed in my mind all day

"I remember this quote from my college years: "If you could hear the Lord praying for you in the next room, you would not fear a thousand enemies."

It's a great quote. I knew it was when I heard it. It stuck in my brain. But, not my heart. That's been the most difficult thing lately. I had a dream a week ago and in it my older brother had just helped me pack my belongings into moving trucks, again! That is a bad dream in and of itself. But, in my dream my brother was holding my hand and saying to me, "God must have a really good reason for letting you go through this hard time." In my head I knew he was right. In my heart I was resisting. He wouldn't let go of my hand until he saw in my eye that I got it in my heart. So, in my dream I turned away from him and pulled my hand away and walked to the truck which I was driving with all my belongings. I knew I needed this to be true in my heart but I just couldn't muster it up on my own. Ironically, I woke from that dream really encouraged. I really appreciated God letting me have a dream like that. Then, the next day during an interview "the Employer" laughed at my qualifications and thought I was crazy to expect more pay than they were willing to offer. I felt like Charlie Brown. I got a rock.

>

Anyway, this quote Heather gave me today was still with me. On my way home from Chattanooga today I stopped at McDonald's. Not hiring. I stopped at Krystal's. Not hiring. I stopped at Long John Silver's. Not hiring.

I stopped at Hardees. Which is a very interesting place in the South because it is mainly a Southern experience. If you are from the South you understand Hardees. Tonight, there was a Gospel Quartet with mandolin, harmonica, guitar and stand-up bass. It was very old school.

After I finished speaking with the General Manager a woman came up to me and said, "Kelly? Aren't you Kelly Bridenstine?" She looked really familiar. She was smiling and so happy to see me and of course had gotten my name right, so I gave her a hug and said, "Yes, I'm Kelly but you'll have to help me with your name." She laughed and said, "I thought it was you. I remembered your eyes." I laughed at that. Her name was Joy. About 15 years ago I worked with her at the Dayton Wal-Mart when I was working 3rd shift putting together equipment for the Garden Center outside during the winter. One other winter I'll never forget.

She asked what I was up to. I held out the Hardees application. She said. "You still haven't found a job?" I shook my head. I felt the heat in my face. I could tell she felt sorry.

The next thing she said floored me, "Well, we've been praying for y'all. My church has been praying for you and your family." I couldn't believe it. How did she know? She mentioned how she'd found out and then the next thing she said stunned me again, "Kelly, there are several churches around here praying for you. A lot of us been gettin' folks to pray." I told her I didn't know so many people were aware. I was a little embarrassed and deeply touched. My eyes were beginning to moisten.

And then she said, "We all love you. But, most importantly Jesus loves y'all too. Don't you forget that. He loves you most of all." And then like a giant billboard my mind remembered the quote I'd struggled to work into my heart,

If you could hear the Lord praying for you in the next room, you would not fear a thousand enemies."

I was definitely getting teary at this point. Sad, happy and in a state of wonderment all at the same time. She tried to make small talk and hugged me when we both realized I just couldn't open my mouth without getting slobbery. She said they'd keep praying for us and to hang in there.

It was snowing when I left the Hardees restaurant. The wind had kicked up and was blowing into my face. The people walking past me into the restaurant might have been wondering if my eyes were watering from the cold or because I was crying. If they had heard the General Manager telling me that they could not hire me and heard how desperate for a job I was they might have concluded that I was crying for this reason. But, they would have been wrong. But, neither was it the wind and snow.

It was because Jesus loves me and is praying for me.

"25 Consequently, he is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through him, since he always lives to make intercession for them.
26 For it was indeed fitting that we should have such a high priest, holy, innocent, unstained, separated from sinners, and exalted above the heavens. 27 He has no need, like those high priests, to offer sacrifices daily, first for his own sins and then for those of the people, since he did this once for all when he offered up himself." Hebrews 7:25-27

Before the throne of God aboveI have a strong, a perfect plea:

A great High Priest, whose name is Love,

Who ever lives and pleads for me.

My name is graven on his hands,My name is written on his heart;

I know that while in heaven he stands

No tongue can bid me thence depart

No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair,

And tells me of the guilt within,

Upward I look, and see him there

Who made an end of all my sin.

Because a sinless Savior died,

My sinful soul is counted free;

For God, the Just, is satisfied

To look on Him and pardon me

To look on Him and pardon me

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

Praise the One,Risen Son of God!

Behold him there, the risen Lamb

My perfect, spotless righteousness,

The great unchangeable I am,

The King of glory and of grace!

One in himself, I cannot die

My soul is purchased by his blood

My life is hid with Christ on high,

With Christ, my Savior and my God

With Christ, my Savior and my God

Prayer Guide – Where is My Fear?

Prayer Guide – Where is My Fear? –

January 21, 2009”If I be a master, where is My fear? Saith the Lord” (Mal. 1:6, KJ).

Thursday, January 22 – Seek the Lord’s mercy and forgiveness for the irreverence and disrespect of God found in the North American church. Ask God to restore us to a holy fear of Him.
“. . . If then I am a Father, where is My honor? And if I am a Master, where is the [reverent] fear due Me? Says the Lord of hosts . . .” (Mal. 1:6, AMP)

Friday, January 23 – Plead for God’s mercy and pardon for our sins of hating knowledge and not choosing the fear of the Lord. Ask God to grant us a fresh vision of Him in His holiness that would help us under all circumstances and at all times to be deeply conscious that He is present. Ask God to implant in us a wholesome dread of displeasing, disobeying, or dishonoring Him.
“Because I called and you refused . . . and no one paid attention . . . and did not want my reproof, I will also laugh at your calamity . . . Then they will call on me, but I will not answer; They will seek me diligently, but they will not find me. Because they hated knowledge and did not choose the fear of the LORD” (Prov. 1:24-29, NASB).

Saturday, January 24 – Entreat God’s mercy and forgiveness for the way we have forsaken our duty to esteem and dread Him by explaining the fear of the Lord as being reverence and respect alone. Seek the Lord’s grace to help us understand what biblically it means to fear the Lord.
“Know therefore and recognize that this is an evil and bitter thing: [first,] you have forsaken the Lord your God; [second,] you are indifferent to Me and the fear of Me is not in you, says the Lord of hosts” (Jer. 2:19, AMP).

Sunday, January 25 – Ask the Lord to help us to understand that in all we do and say that we live under His scrutiny and to grant us a deep and reverential sense of our accountability before Him.
“For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may be recompensed for his deeds in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad. Therefore knowing the fear of the Lord, we persuade men . . .” (2 Cor. 5:10-11, NASB).

Monday, January 26 – Implore the Lord to inspire us to fear Him that we would have hearts that shun evil, fear sinning, and keep His commands.
“O that there were such an heart in them, that they would fear me, and keep all my commandments always, that it might be well with them, and with their children for ever” (Deut. 5:29, KJ).

Tuesday, January 27 – Seek the Lord’s grace to cause us to be willing to work out our salvation with fear and trembling and to enable us to bring ourselves under His rule by obedience to His word.
“The conclusion, when all has been heard, is: fear God and keep His commandments, because this applies to every person” (Eccl. 12:13, NASB).

Wednesday, January 28 – Beseech the Lord to grant His Spirit to rest upon us and to make the fear of the Lord our delight that we would make all our judgments with the awareness that we are standing in His holy presence.
“And the Spirit of the Lord shall rest upon Him–the Spirit of . . . the reverential and obedient fear of the Lord–and shall make Him of quick understanding, and His delight shall be in the . . . fear of the Lord” (Isa. 11:2-3, AMP).

A not so scholarly post

My friend Jamie called me today. He's like, "Dude, why haven't you called me?" I'm like, "What? What's the problem." He's like, "I called and left you a message 4 days ago. What's the deal?" I'm like, "Dude, I don't get reception on my cell out here in Spring City. You'll have to use the land line."

He says, "Anyway, the reason I called is . . . Did you know that Phish is getting back together?" I says, "No, really? That's cool." He says, "Yeah, the closest show they have booked so far is in Asheville, N.C. We could drive down and see the show. They'll probably never play together again." Meanwhile I'm looking up ticket prices online as he is speaking to me. It's in June. Tickets are $50.

My wife is like, "Ummm, you know we don't have any money right now." I say, "Really, you're kidding? Hmmmm, I'll get Jamie to buy the tickets and I'll tell him I'll pay him back."

I'll post a picture with some inane comments if we end up going. I hope we go.

3 Brothers

My wife informs me that I should write something with this picture. I don't know what to say, really. She said, "People like to read something written with a picture." This picture was taken amidst great laughter and enjoyment at my mom and dad's house on Christmas Day (I snagged it from my brother Steven and his wife's website). This was definitely one of the highlights of my time during the holiday season. Being back "home" with family and friends is a huge blessing and encouragement these days.